Day 26

Well, I didn't make it to the gym today. I was so exhausted from work, that I just couldn't muster up the strength or energy. I guess that happens when you work long shifts like I do. I am off tomorrow so I will work out then for sure...

Today I am feeling fat. Probably because I am bloated and should be getting my period any day now. That would explain the fatigue, too. Although I notice I am not breaking out (acne) as much as I usually do. Must be the water!

Today was a very low-motivation day. Which is to say I did not have much interest in being vigilant about my food intake. Which is yet another way of saying I did not watch what I ate. I know that part of my problem is that I am just plain tired and cranky, but I also know that I need to find a way of dealing with both elements that doesn't include saying, "Who cares?" for the day. I really need to get focused on the fact that I do care because what I eat (or don't) ends up affecting me in ways that I really do care about--like gaining or losing weight! I guess I am still practicing the things I need to tell myself or things I need to do for days like this.

I just had a conversation the other day with a friend of mine who is on the Nutri-system diet plan and she was having some major motivation issues. She says the food tastes terrible and she is having a hard time sticking to it. She said it wasn't too hard at first because she was excited and motivated to get started. It also helped that she lost almost 10 lbs the first week. But then after the excitement wore off and she had been eating the same "gross" food day after day, it was becoming too hard. And, she hasn't lost anymore weight. Probably because she has been "cheating" too much. It reminded me that any "diet" has to be something sustainable for the long run. It also reminded me of the beginning of this blog and my 30 day challenge...

I know this is another short post, but I am just so tired. I have to get some sleep. Hopefully, with some sleep I can awaken with a fresh perspective and a brighter outlook.

Or at the very least, some decent sleep!

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't -- you are right."

Day 20 - Personal Trainer Day!

Oh wow! I had my first session with my personal trainer today and what a work out! She really worked me and I am surprised that I made it through the whole hour. I can tell already that I am going to be hurting tomorrow. She even warned me that she will have done her job if I woke up hating her in the morning...

My session started off with getting "pinched"--using a caliper to determine by percentage of body fat. I am currently at 36%, which appalled me. Then came the measurements (ick) and then the weigh in. The weigh in was probably the most devastating since the scale at the gym has me weighing in at 202 lbs. My trainer told me it is probably less (I had shoes on, etc), but I am betting that it still puts me at around 200 lbs. Still.

A little background about my trainer: In her office is a picture frame which contains two pictures. The first is a picture of when she was very over-weight. Yes, my trainer used to be fat. She told me her body fat used to be 69%. I can't remember how much she weighed--somewhere between 250-300 lbs. The second picture is a lovely photo of her in a beautiful blue bikini, looking cut, toned and fit. Motivational? You bet!

Anyway, after suffering through that humiliation, we talked about diet and I was so glad we did! She gave me a food journal and told me to write down everything I eat. We talked about my Starbucks addiction and we formulated a plan so that I could keep having my daily vice but gradually reduce the sugar and other no-no items so that it will become a very small part of my daily calorie consumption. She also gave me a food list of what is acceptable to eat (and what isn't) and a couple of web-sites to go to find out how many calories I am consuming:

http://www.calorieking.com/

http://www.thedailyplate.com/

The first one appears to be a "membership only" site that you have to pay for. The second one is a branch of http://www.livestrong.com/. After looking at "Livestrong" and "The Daily Plate" I feel even more inspired to face this challenge head on. I have not had the opportunity to look at the site more closely, but I plan to at some point tonight. I encourage others to click the links I have provided and check them out!

So after the small talk, it was down to business. Oh my! My trainer worked me non-stop for that hour and it was hard but I made it. I was so stoked to find that I could not only do the exercises but also meet the "goals" she had for some of them. For example, she has one move she calls "The Plank" and the goal is keep yourself in a push-up position (the "up" part) for a minute. It sounds easy, but when you already have spent an hour doing weights and other work-outs, it hurts! But I was able to do it, so I was very happy. I finished my hour tired and sore, but happy.

My trainer wrote out everything we did today and I am supposed to do those exercises plus 20-30 minutes of cardio 3-5 days per week. My next appointment is May 4 (two weeks) to resume more torture and analyze current results. The goal is to eventually get my percentage of body fat reduced by 10% and to get through these work-outs without feeling like I might die.

One thing is for sure--after a good, hard work-out like that, you definitely don't feel compelled to eat anything but healthy food! I think there is a sub-conscious feeling that you just put yourself through an hour of torture, why would you ruin it by eating a double cheeseburger? And nothing encourages water consumption quite the same way, either...

Ok, so that's it for today. I ate healthy, drank lots of water and had a great work-out. Maybe I should see my trainer every day to keep this going...

I am off to review those web-sites and make my grocery list for tomorrow. My husband and I plan to go back to the gym tomorrow for a little cardio work. That is if I can get myself out of bed after today. I will let you know just how sore I am tomorrow!

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't -- you are right."

Day 12

Well, it finally happened--I reached my "I really don't care" day. I am sure some of it is just plain exhaustion from my last few days of work, but today I just did not care one bit about "watching" what I eat, etc.

Another reason may be that I jumped on the scale. I know today was not weigh-in, but it was sitting there and curiosity got the better of me. Nothing. By that I mean that I have not lost any more weight since my last weigh-in. I couldn't have been more disappointed. How can that be? I have given up my coffee drinks (which I keep missing terribly) and have been eating so much better than I have for a very long time. I know I can't expect instant results, but I really expected to see the scale move at least a pound. It has just been one of those days where I felt like I was trying so hard for nothing. And it is only day 12!

So, I starting thinking that maybe what I have been doing for the last week isn't working. Maybe I need to go back to the meat-beans-veggies only diet. But of course I know that won't last for too long for me. So then I started to think about some quick-fix, fad diets. You know--the cabbage soup diet or drinking just Slim-fast for the next week. Because, in all honesty, I am worried that my next weigh-in is coming up and I will have to face everyone who reads this and have to explain why I haven't lost any more weight. That, and I just want to get the damned weight off!

After pondering those options for awhile, I wondered how many other people have used a "fad" diet for weight loss in the past (or maybe even presently??) It sounded like a good poll so please take a moment to answer this question.

Anyway, back to my lamentations...so I found myself frustrated and actually angry today. Again, I am sure exhaustion has a role in this, but I just wasn't in the mood to "do the right thing" diet-wise. I sort of felt like there was no point--I wasn't getting anywhere. So in my "screw it" mind-set, I blew it today. I suppose I will look at today as my "free day" and pick it up tomorrow, but I still feel pretty crappy. I had my Starbucks. I ate Chinese take-out. I had some Junior mints. And I didn't really care today.

I am sure I will pay the price for it, but for right now all I can do is re-commit and start afresh tomorrow. What's done is done, right?

I will be able to go to the gym tomorrow as well, so hopefully that will help me get back on track. I still haven't ruled out a day or two of cabbage soup! I just hope tomorrow brings a brighter outlook.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't -- you are right."